


Brother

by randomfandomstuff



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 11x23, Angst, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Season 11, alpha and omega, canon!verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 08:00:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7566343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomfandomstuff/pseuds/randomfandomstuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Brother.</em> Castiel knows it means a great deal from Dean to call him that but that’s not how Castiel thinks of him. Castiel has always had many brothers, but none of which he cares as deeply as he cares for Dean. Lately, he has realized that maybe this affection he has grown towards Dean is something more than brotherly. For a long time Dean has been his trusted, teacher and friend. Castiel has never had any of those before, actually, he hasn’t ever had anything else except absent father and distant siblings. He has never grown to love his father or siblings because he didn’t knew how. Not until Dean showed him. </p><p>AKA My version of Cas' thoughts in 11x23</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brother

“You’re our brother Cas, I want you to know that.”

_Say something… At least don’t start crying now._

“Thank you,” Castiel manages to say. He takes a quick look at Dean’s free hand which is laying on his thigh while he drives. What would Dean do if Castiel just grabbed it, telling him that’s not what he feels? His hand twitches towards it, but his thoughts are interrupted by Dean’s ringing phone.

“Yo,” Dean answers to the phone and stays quiet for a while. Castiel glances at Dean. 

_Don’t be stupid. Brother. Dean just said he thinks of me as a brother._

“Alright, we’re on our way,” Dean says and ends the call, putting down his phone next to him. “Sam’s got something.”

Castiel turns his eyes on the road while Dean makes a U-turn. 

_Brother._ Castiel knows it means a great deal from Dean to call him that but that’s not how Castiel thinks of him. He has always had many brothers, but none of which he cares as deeply as he cares for Dean. Lately, he has realized that maybe this affection he has grown towards Dean is something more than brotherly. For a long time Dean has been his trusted, teacher and friend. Castiel has never had any of those before, actually, he hasn’t ever had anything else except absent father and distant siblings. He has never grown to love his father or siblings because he didn’t knew how. Not until Dean showed him. 

Castiel isn’t stupid. He knows that Dean likes women but it’s not like it was his plan to fell in love with a straight human man. Castiel has been with women too. He has kissed Meg, and even had sex with April. He didn’t love either of them, like he believes Dean doesn’t love the women he has sex with. But Castiel loves Dean. And he so desperately wants to believe that can change something.

“Dean…” Castiel starts before he can stop himself. 

_This is a bad idea. This is a very bad, stupid idea._

“Yeah”, Dean says, glancing at Castiel for few seconds before turning to the road again.

Castiel feels his heart beating faster and his hands feeling somehow wet. He opens his hands confused. That has never happened before.

“Cas?” Dean asks, looking at him longer this time. “You ‘kay?”

“Yes”, Castiel answers too abruptly, making Dean rise his eyebrow. They are already on the dirt road leading to the bunker. 

_Say it. No, don’t say it! No, say it!_

“Dean, I-“ Castiel starts again and squeezes his hands fist so hard that his knuckles turn white. They are only half a mile away from the bunker now. 

“Whatever it is Cas, you can tell me,” Dean promises. “Can’t be bigger than lettin’ Lucifer in for a ride, and ya know, not tellin’ me ‘bout it.”

Castiel realizes it was meant as a joke, but he doesn’t find it quite that funny. The last comment makes him wonder if Dean has truly forgiven him his abrupt decision to let Lucifer in. “You’re angry.”

“What? No, I’m not, I told you, it was a right decision and you were the only one to have guts to do it,” Dean explains, but he’s clearly still keeping something for himself. “It’s just… I was worried, Cas,” he continues after a while.

 _Dean was worried?_ Castiel feels a piece of hope in his heart. Maybe Dean does feel something else for him. But of course he always worries for Sam too.

“And when Amara took and tortured you- well Lucifer…” Dean lets the rest of the sentence float in the air and shakes his head. “I was angry. At myself. ‘Cause it was my fault. If anything had happened to you…” Dean tightens his jaw, unable to finish his sentence again. Silence falls, and Castiel looks at the road again. he can see the road ending now.

_Now is a good time to say something. Anything at all. It isn’t his fault, say that._

But he can’t. Because in some level it is Dean’s fault. Castiel isn’t angry, but he was depressed when he thought Dean didn’t appreciate him other than as a flying data bank. And he couldn’t even fly anymore, being no use to anyone. That was one of the reasons Castiel had said the big yes. He wanted to be the hero for a change, to show Dean he can do something else than break the world.

The car stops and Dean gets out. Castiel sits alone for a moment, gathering his thoughts, until he slowly opens the door and steps out. Dean is resting his arms on the car roof, looking at the bird on the branch of a pine nearby. The reddened sky above them makes Dean squeeze his green eyes a little. Castiel stares at him, wondering if he should say something, but just as he opens his mouth, Dean opens his.

“I don’t know what I would do,” he says, his voice breaking a little. He keeps staring at the little bird for a while. He wakes up from his thoughts, coughs and pats Impala’s roof while turning to walk to the bunker. Castiel stays still, staring at Dean’s furthering back, feeling familiar ache in his heart.

_I should have said something._

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [Tumblr](http://randomfandomstuff.tumblr.com/)


End file.
